Power
I forgot to tell you about my love affair
with racism. The man who took my virginity
had a iron cross on the left side of his chest
and a bat in the trunk of his Mustang. He told me
the first time he shaved his head was in California-
his brother's in prison out there and they all have guns,
he said. We had sex on the couch, I bled on the sofa.
I always wondered if he hated me
the way he hated the spics who put his brother in jail.
I know now I loved him the way a woman might love
a man who beats here, I thought hate would be good in bed.
Psychologist say all women have rape fantasies-
to be dominated, to be guilty of nothing.
Maybe that's why I found it okay to sleep with a man
who beat people with off-white skin, I wasn't the one
holding the bat. I had a dirty desire for that blood
on the couch, I had a dirty want for the wrong of it all.
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3 comments:
Trista-
This piece, like much of your work that I'm familiar with, is often austere and unapologetic in its delivery. For just the overall guts of the thing must be admired and commended. The draft's so unflinching in its candor, so focused and controlled--"claustrophobic" comes to mind. It's starkness gives the finger to metaphor.
And it works, here. I find especially effective the shift into the second stanza--the stark, mid-sentence enjambment into an even more private disclosure. This is were we truly learn about the speaker's "dirty want for wrong" It really displays your proficiency of form and control as a poet.
A few ideas for possible revision: Although, the second stanza moves into this more intimate disclosure of the "love affair"--the specificity of the first stanza is absent. Do you think that the second stanza should be even more focused and hyper-attentive to specific detail, perhaps emphasizing that unsettling, austere tonal register to the draft? For instance, how does a "woman love a man who beats her", and why would "hate be good in bed? Is there anyway you can illustrate that "dirty desire" or "love affair" with "hate?" And maybe specificity isn't the way to do this...because maybe explanation/description won't work--because it's really something inexplicable in ways isn't it? Maybe a juxtaposition of imagery is what the draft needs...
Either way, its a powerful draft and one that I think begs to have those moments second stanza explored, or uncovered.
I agree with Brian here. Your narrator has an intense sense of self-awareness. The line "I always wondered if he hated me" and "I thought hate would be good in bed" seem so coldly clinical, I could see this piece being very uncomfortable in performance. The unflinching quality of it would really startle an audience (not the same group that liked Billy Collins, for sure).
It reminds of me of those people who suffer from some kind of depression or sorrow, have a great understanding of their condition, but suffers from it anyway and can tell you all about it in detail (I am thinking of Girl, Interrupted for some reason).
I would like to see more actual dialog in this piece, I think. How does she interpret what he says-currently we have some peppering of what he might have spoke in her presence. It could be really interesting to see her interact with him in that manner.
Such a dark piece.
I looove this piece, Trista. It's beautifully dark. Glad I follow you :)
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